I really want to meet the head of marketing at Carl’s Jr. so I can ask him when he decided to make a career out of getting people to masturbate to fast food.
Honestly all I’m looking for is a Harry Styles/Ben Wyatt love child to marry. Is that too much to ask for?
Why hello there.
Friends: I did something really embarrassing I’m going to make sure you never find out about it.
Best friends: Hey come look at this really embarrassing thing I did.
Me and dating is like trying to diffuse a nuclear bomb using only a blender and a toothbrush.
It is incredibly complicated, has little chance of success, and there is a very good chance I will make earth uninhabitable for all life.
So I suck because it’s technically not his birthday anymore, but here’s Brogan's official birthday shoutout.
This kid seriously rocks. If you don’t follow him already, you probably should. I cannot even begin to describe how much better my life has become since meeting him (on tumblr) this summer. He’s now my very best friend and I couldn’t live without him. You should all go wish him a very happy semi-late birthday. Or just wish him happy life or something. Anyway, Brogan. 22. Birthday. Jenna’s best friend. Cool. Yup.
Anonymous asked: Hello brogan. Happy birthday. Today I woke up at noon, had a final, then laid in bed the rest of the day watching the office eating leftover pizza in celebration of your birthday
I am really grateful to have been a part of this.
Anonymous asked: a happy birthday/I hope you have. this has been/a birthday haiku
YOU GUYS KEEP WRITING ME POEMS YOU ARE ALL THE GREATEST.
Also it’s my birthday so tell me about your day/send me pictures of your face/tell your friends to follow me on Tumblr/write a poem/smell a flower/have a super awesome day and think of me.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that I’ve gone 22 years without drinking from anything with a skull on it.
Last year most everyone forgot my birthday and so this year I borrowed a camera and a friend and I spent several hours going around campus and getting footage of strangers saying happy birthday to me without actually realizing that it was me they were saying happy birthday to. The result was nearly an hour of people improvising songs, reminiscing on nonexistent childhood memories, dedicating frames of bowling, and confessing their love for me. I was going to edit this footage down to a beautiful yet whimsical montage which I would post on the internet for all to enjoy.
Then there were technical difficulties with the audio and the wonderful project that I have been planning since July was dashed against the rocks and I am still fairly grumpy about the whole thing.
Anyways, I was going to make a video and I put a lot of work into it and it was hilarious and you would have loved it and it’s a miracle that I’m not famous. Also, strangers are really, really great and this experience gave me significantly more faith in humanity than I had previously.
hi brogan facebook told me today is your birthday i wrote you a poem it is my most poignant and brilliant attempt yet r u ready probly not ok anyway here i go
roses are red
if i dated boys
i’d so date you